


Ride 'Em Cowboy

by faequeentitania



Series: Everyone Lies on the Internet [2]
Category: Agents of Cracked, Cracked - Ambiguous Fandom, Cracked.com
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Coming Untouched, Cowboy Hats, Cowgirl Position, Established Relationship, Intimacy, Love, M/M, Pet Names, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 07:52:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8658649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faequeentitania/pseuds/faequeentitania
Summary: It's honestly embarrassing, how much Dan likes it when Michael calls him "cowboy."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Because of course it needed a smutty sequel. I'm ridiculous. Also I don't know how this one got as intense as it did...

There was someone waiting for them when they landed in New Jersey.

Dan’s immediate reaction was panic; no one was supposed to know they were coming, this was surely a sign of their untimely demise because the Chiefs had found them out already.

It wasn't. They would live to fight another day, because the mysterious person worked for _their_ Chief, and he was there to set them up in their new life.

Dan had to applaud his thoroughness; there was a house and a job waiting for them, completely taken care of and ready to go. Friend of a friend of the Chief, who also ran a website, and would be able to help keep an eye on Michael, keep him off the radar.

So life was good. Really good. Better than ever.

They had been living on the east coast together for four months. It was weird to be back, in a lot of ways. Partially because of Michael; he was like this strange, otherworldly creature that was too supernatural to be there.

It was strangely comforting, though, at the same time. This little slice of California life in his bed.

Speaking of...

“Mmm... French toast please...” Michael mumbled sleepily, his arm squeezing a little tighter around Dan’s middle. Dan chortled softly, snuggling back against his partner with contentment.

He could feel Michael waking up slowly, could sense it in the way he breathed and the way his heavy, relaxed muscles slowly stirred to wakefulness.

“Mmm... howdy cowboy,” Michael slurred against the back of his neck, and Dan grinned through the pink blush on his face. It still did that to him, _still_ , which was so embarrassing but Michael absolutely loved it.

“Morning,” Dan murmured, and Michael hummed again.

He felt Michael’s hand slip from around his waist to between his legs, cupping his morning wood fondly.

“You’re wasting no time,” Dan chortled, and Michael gave him a little squeeze, “Are you even fully conscious?”

“It's the weekend, Daniel,” Michael sighed, “I don't have to be.”

Dan rolled his eyes and wiggled around until they were facing each other. Michael let go of his cock in favor of slipping a hand down the back of Dan’s boxers with a cheeky smirk.

He liked this; being able to be eye-level with Michael without standing on something.

“Hey,” Dan nudged, and Michael finally cracked his eyes open.

“Hey,” he echoed, smiling a little wider. Dan’s heart felt like it had been plunked in a hot cup of coffee.

“I've been thinking,” he said quietly, and Michael perked in interest, “Do you remember...”

He faltered a little, biting his lip. Michael’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I'm not sure how you expect me to remember if you can't, Dan,” he said perplexingly, and Dan chuckled, reaching up to pet Michael’s hair.

“No, no, I'm just figuring out how to word it,” Dan reassured him, and Michael quirked an eyebrow.

“You think too much, just spit it out,” Michael encouraged, and Dan laughed again. Michael was good about cutting to the chase, which was actually a blessing in disguise most of the time. It forced Dan to stop constantly second-guessing himself, because Michael didn't have the patience to wait for him to do it.

“God, I love you,” Dan whispered, tightening his fingers in Michael’s hair and being absolutely in love with the pleasured flutter of his eyelashes.

“Of course I remember that you love me, you nerd,” Michael chortled, “Why was that hard to figure out how to say?”

“No,” Dan laughed, giving his head a fond little shake, “That wasn't what I was trying to figure out how to say. That was more of an aside.”

“Oh,” Michael rolled his eyes, and gave Dan’s ass a tight squeeze that made him gasp, “Spit it out, then!”

“Remember... when we sexted... before?” Dan asked haltingly. The blush was back on his face and deepening, and the intense way Michael was looking at him didn't help.

“I remember,” Michael said uncertainly, though it was hard to judge whether he sounded uncertain because he actually didn't remember, or because Dan was bringing something up from The Lie.

When they had moved in together, and it was clear that their relationship was moving fast in the direction of committed, Dan had had an very serious talk with Michael about the whole “John” thing. Mainly, that it was still a raw nerve for him, and he didn't want Michael to talk to him about it. And that included referencing things that they had said and shared while Dan was under the impression he was talking to a man that was definitely not Michael.

This was one of those things.

Dan had been thinking about this a lot, though. There were still some things that felt too painful to bring up when it came to that relationship, but the sexting... they had been some of the most intense sexual experiences of his life. They weren't even actually touching, but Michael talking him to orgasm was so insanely hot. He wanted that to be a part of his actual sex life with Michael.

“Well...” Dan blew out a breath, “Remember when you had us pretend we were actually cowboys...?”

Michael may be slow on the uptake with a lot of things, but sex was not one of them. Dan immediately saw the gears in Michael’s head kick into overdrive, and his eyes widened in surprise.

“Dan, please be saying what I think you’re saying,” Michael breathed, “Don't tease me.”

“I'm not teasing you,” Dan reassured him, looking away from Michael’s eyes and focusing instead on his mouth; he was so awkward about this, he couldn't look at Michael and say this at the same time, “I want... that. I want to do that. Can we?”

Suddenly Michael was gone in a flurry of movement, and Dan made a surprised sound, frowning with confusion as Michael dashed out the door.

“What-?!” Dan sat up and called after him.

Michael’s voice echoed down the hall when he shouted back, “Stay right there!”

Deeply confused and more than a little concerned, Dan remained in bed, waiting for Michael to come back.

When he did, Dan almost imploded with a mixture of embarrassment and horrified arousal.

Michael was carrying a box full of cowboy clothes. Just from the few items Dan could see on top, it looked like he had gotten the full range of boots, embroidered shirts, bandanas, and even fucking _chaps_.

“Oh my god,” Dan groaned, putting his face into his hands, “Michael. _Michael._ ”

“You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this, Dan!” Michael said cheerily, a brown cowboy hat already on his head, “I've got everything, the clothes, the hats, the boots, the campfire-”

“We are not setting up a campfire in our bedroom,” Dan interjected immediately, and Michael pouted.

“ _Fine,_ we’ll do it in the backyard. The point is, Daniel, _fucking cowboys!_ Both literally and figuratively!”

Dan was blushing furiously. This man... he didn't even know what adjectives to use. This was insane.

And Michael seemed overwhelmingly excited. Dan had felt fairly confident that the cowboy thing was just his little kink that Michael had only indulged to make him happy, but the evidence before him seemed to the contrary. He couldn't quite believe his life sometimes.

Michael plopped the box on the floor and pulled a beautiful, cream-colored cowboy hat out of it. Dan was immediately in love with it, and Michael grinned fondly as he moved close enough to place it gently on Dan’s head.

“Howdy, cowboy,” Michael grinned wider, and Dan was almost ashamed how turned on he was right now.

“Michael, if you do not get in this bed in the next five seconds I’m never having sex with you again.”

Michael’s eyebrows rose up toward his hairline, “But the box-”

“Later,” Dan growled, grabbing a fistful of Michael’s sleep shirt and pulling roughly, “We’ll do the whole nine yards later, but right now I need you to fuck me.”

A hungry look immediately took over Michael’s features, and he clamored onto the bed without further question.

Dan pushed him to sit with his back against the headboard; he was already panting, watching Dan with wide eyes and his weird-looking dick tenting the front of his boxers obscenely.

Dan took his hat off long enough to strip his shirt and boxers off, and Michael immediately followed his lead in a rush.

“This is so hot, Dan,” Michael groaned as Dan put the hat back on his head and straddled Michael’s thighs.

Dan couldn't agree more; his dick was throbbing with each rapid beat of his heart, and the sight of Michael in that hat made him so much more excited than he ever thought possible.

“Get the lube,” Dan ordered huskily, gripping Michael’s shoulder with one hand and the other going to his partner’s weird, wonderful dick.

He stroked it rapidly, watching Michael’s eyelids flutter with pleasure and his breath get quicker. God, it was such a power trip to watch Michael losing it over something Dan was doing. He wanted to see this every day, forever.

Michael fumbled for the bottle of lube on the bedside table. His eyes never left Dan, but he managed it all the same.

The squirt of lube onto Michael's waiting fingers was obscene, and like a pavlovian bell, Dan found his dick twitching in response.

Michael wrapped an arm around his waist and hauled him closer, his slicked hand ducking behind his balls and rubbing firm strokes over his asshole.

Dan shuddered, rocking down into it with a little moan.

“You’re gonna come so hard, Dan,” Michael breathed, his pupils huge and lips flushed a deep pink, “You’re gonna come so hard you black out. Just from me fucking you.”

Michael liked to run his mouth. Constantly, all day, about the craziest shit. He even talked in his sleep sometimes. Half of it was nonsensical, in a way that only Michael could be, and the other half was usually just weird or inappropriate. But when it came to this, to making Dan so hot he couldn't breathe right anymore, his words cut straight through Dan and right into his core nervous system. He could talk a brick wall into an orgasm if he wanted it enough.

Dan groaned as Michael’s words were followed by a slick finger pressing in, slow and steady and making Dan’s thighs tremble. His hand faltered on Michael’s cock, but Michael didn't seem to care; his eyes were glued to Dan and his mouth was slightly open in a pant.

“Your thighs are gonna be shaking all day,” Michael continued with a tiny smirk, “You’re gonna ride me so hard you won't be able to walk.”

Dan’s head tilted back, and a deep moan resonated in his chest as he ground down on the second finger Michael was pushing into him. He felt Michael’s mouth attacking his neck, laying a dirty trail of open-mouthed kisses and bites along the column of his throat.

He gave up trying to keep his hand on Michael's dick, opting instead to wrap his arms around his shoulders and hold tight. Which ended up being a smart move, as it was the only thing keeping him upright when Michael crooked his fingers and pressed hard against his prostate, jiggling his fingers rapidly from side to side and making Dan’s vision go white for a second.

“No passing out on me yet,” Michael chuckled breathily, relenting on the onslaught of pleasure enough for Dan to catch his breath, “You still got some riding to do, cowboy.”

It was like being sucker punched, the instant visual that flashed in his head, and he whined pathetically as he ground down on Michael’s fingers desperately. His dick was leaking precome between them, red and hard and he didn't dare touch it because it would be the end of him.

“You good?” Michael asked suddenly on a broken moan, “Dan, you good? I wanna fuck you right now, please say yes, fuck.”

“Yes,” Dan said raggedly. It was going to sting, he knew that, he was not nearly relaxed enough but if he had to endure Michael’s fingers teasing him much longer his brain was going to drip out of his ears. He’d take a bit of pain; maybe it would help ground him and keep him from coming the instant Michael touched his cock.

Michael’s fingers slipping out of him was as much of a relief as it was a disappointment, and Michael’s free hand moved from his hip to his chest, pushing him back. It was the first time Dan had looked at his face since he had pushed a second, lube-slick finger into him, and it stirred something deep and primal in him to see Michael flushed and desperate.

Combining that with the off-kilter cowboy hat still perched precariously on his head and Dan was pretty confident this was the most turned on he had ever been in his entire life.

There was enough lube left on Michael's hand to hurriedly slick his cock, and then he was manipulating Dan to hover above it, the fat head pressed against his hole.

Dan gave a ridiculous little smile as he straightened Michael’s hat before slowly sinking down, his hands braced on Michael’s chest.

He was right, it did sting, but not enough to stop him. It stole the breath out of him, though, and his lungs didn't expand again until he was sitting flush with Michael’s pelvis.

“Oh god,” he groaned low and weak, his eyes slipping closed and his head tilting forward bonelessly. His muscles spasmed around the thick stretch, and he could hear every tiny hitch in Michael’s breath with each squeeze.

Michael’s hand was on his jaw, gripping tight and forcing his head up. He stared dazedly at his partner, his cock throbbing with every beat of his heart and the precome sliding down his shaft hot and slick.

The slap on his ass was unexpected and sharp, and almost made him cream himself right then and there.

“Well? Ride ‘em, cowboy,” Michael attempted to sound cocky, and almost succeeded, had it not been for the starstruck and lustful way he was looking at Dan when he said it.

It still melted Dan’s insides, and he groaned deep in his chest as he rose up on his knees before sinking back down.

Michael's dick was basically an organic sex toy. It was textured with bumps and ridges better than any vibrator, and Dan was shamefully addicted. He went from never having anyone touch his ass to being an absolute slut for Michael Swaim’s cock in a shockingly short amount of time. He didn't care. Not when the orgasms were as brain-meltingly good as they were when Michael’s dick was involved.

They started off slow; just a steady, even rise and fall that rubbed Michael against the sweet spot inside him so good he almost wanted to cry.

Michael released his jaw in favor of holding his hips, guiding him to press just right on each downward thrust.

“Oh god,” he wheezed, his head tilting backward limply as he inevitably picked up the pace, seeking that deep, quick rhythm that would make him see stars.

He didn't even realize he had reached for his dick until Michael was catching his wrist and pulling his hand away from himself. He put it back on his chest and held it there firmly.

“No,” he said harshly, and Dan trembled at the intense, captivated way Michael was looking at him, “Just like this. Just this, just my cock in you.”

“Fuck,” Dan squeaked, “Fuck, Michael, I can't.”

“You can,” Michael said, with the same terrifying conviction he used when he was assuring Dan of any number of crazy things, “You can and you will. Trust me.”

And god help him, he did. He nodded dumbly, shaking like a leaf but following the push-pull of Michael’s hands on his hips.

A distant part of his brain entertained the idea that Michael was using magic on him. It was a distinct possibility, and there was a good chance that Michael wasn't even aware he was doing it.

It didn't really matter, honestly, because magic or no, the way Michael angled his hips and gave Dan the toe-curling pace he wanted was building and building in his guts and tingling down his spine.

“That's it,” Michael breathed, panting just as hard as Dan was, and gripping Dan’s hips so hard he knew there would be bruises, “That’s it...”

If Dan had to compare it to anything, he would say it was like a guitar string getting pulled tighter and tighter and tighter until it snapped. In this case, the snap was Dan coming so hard he was pretty sure he stopped breathing. His heart may have stopped too, it was hard to tell.

The next thing he was aware of he was flat on his back on the bed, his cowboy hat wedged uncomfortably under his head.

He pried his eyes open with all the strength he could muster. Michael was gripping his sweaty thigh with one hand, keeping it hiked high on his hip as he thrust with bruising force. The other was braced on the bed beside Dan’s head, giving him leverage as he curled over Dan, seeking his finish. His teeth were bared and sweat was darkening the hair at his temples; the rest of the brown strands were tousled in disarray from the cowboy hat, which was now nowhere to be found.

It was the most stunning thing Dan had ever seen.

Michael made a wheezy, strangled sound, pushing in deep and shaking before pressing his face into Dan’s shoulder and going limp.

Dan let his eyes slip closed again, and he didn't even mind that Michael was heavy and sweaty and showed no signs of moving.

He only moved when the discomfort of the cowboy hat squashed under his head and digging into the back of his neck was too irritating to deal with anymore.

He frowned sadly at the dents and crinkles all over it, and Michael giggled against his chest.

“I'll buy you a new one, Dan,” he offered with another giggle, and Dan hit him with it lightly before tossing it onto the nightstand.

“It's fabric, I should be able to fix it,” Dan sighed, stroking over Michael’s shoulders gently.

Michael made a purring noise, like an honest-to-god cat purr, and Dan started laughing.

Michael lifted his head to look at him, and Dan’s heart clenched at the sweet smile on his lips. Dan cupped his face, tracing the dimples in his cheeks with his thumbs.

Michael purred again, rubbing his face against Dan’s hands and it set Dan off again, giggling ridiculously.

“There's a kink we haven't played with yet,” Michael said with a wide smile.

“What kink?”

“Pet play!” he answered enthusiastically, “Ooo, yeah, instead of a _Brokeback Mountain_ thing, it'd be a boy and his horse thing. Or we could stick with the cat thing, since that's what sparked the idea. Or dog. I look good on a leash. I'd probably look even better with a bridle.”

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Dan felt his ears get hot. He was nowhere near ready to delve into _that_ dark corner of his mind, so he shook his head as he ran his fingers through Michael’s messy hair.

“We’ll talk about it,” he offered as a compromise; just straight saying “no” was a surefire way to get Michael obsessed with it, “Later. I think we should tackle the rest of your cowboy box first.”

Michael’s eyes lit up, and Dan couldn't resist angling his head up to kiss him.

“I love you Dan,” Michael sighed against his mouth, and Dan was pretty sure his heart melted into a pulpy, red puddle in his chest cavity.

“Love you too,” he answered softly, and he felt Michael grin against his lips.

“You went kind of cross-eyed when you came, did you realize that?”

“I did not!” Dan sputtered, shoving at his shoulder.

“You did!” Michael insisted, pulling back a bit and smiling, “Like this!”

He crossed his eyes and let his mouth go slack, his tongue hanging out.

“ _I did not!_ ” Dan turned scarlet, and Michael immediately started laughing; his real one, not his “I think I'm funny”, fake one.

The real one was the one that was addicting and utterly contagious, and even though Dan was still fervently hoping that Michael was just teasing him, he couldn't help but laugh too.

Michael buried his face against Dan’s neck, still laughing, and Dan wrapped one hand around his shoulders tightly while the other pet through his hair.

“Mmm, that's nice,” Michael sighed happily, “What do you think about tickling during sex, Dan? It feels good when you laugh.”

“Is there _any_ kink you don't have?” Dan asked with an amused shake of his head.

“Try anything once, Daniel,” Michael hummed, dragging his mouth along Dan’s neck.

Dan sighed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head again, “We’ll talk about it.”

“I'm holding you to that, cowboy,” Michael kissed his neck and dug his thumb into Dan’s thigh.

Dan gasped when Michael flexed his hips in, grinding in slow and deep and making sparks fizzle up and down Dan’s spine.

“Up for another round, partner?” Michael purred, and Dan groaned.

“Only if you’re doing all the work this time.”

“Ye-haw!” Michael huffed hot against Dan’s ear, “Ride ‘em, cowboy.”


End file.
